When sibling groups are placed into foster care, often times
they become separated from one another. Although many agencies make a great
effort to keep siblings placed together, the sad reality is that many of these
youth are often placed into different homes when they enter into foster care.
One of the most unfortunate outcomes for youth aging out of foster care is having limited, fractured, or non-existent relationships with their biological siblings who may remain in care or have already aged out of the system. As young people transition into adulthood, they tend to want to restore relationships with their biological family, especially their siblings. However, when exploring a relationship, many young people may find that they don’t exactly know what to say or how to engage with their siblings to reconnect with them in meaningful ways. Below is a list of five practical tips to help jumpstart the development of any relationship that may have been damaged by sibling separation in foster care.
1. Take the First Step
Don’t wait until your brother or
sister reaches out to you in order to start rebuilding a relationship. You may
discover that waiting on a phone call or text may take forever. Be proactive
and take the first step to reach out to them if you have access to their
contact information.
2. Use Social Media
If you don’t have your siblings
phone number, try connecting with them on a social media platform like
Facebook, Instagram, or even Snapchat. So many people have social media
profiles and it is likely that your sibling may have one as well.
3. Ask Questions
No matter how you contact your sibling, be willing
to ask simple questions in order to get to know him/her. You may be surprised
by how much changes about people as they get older. Ask about their favorite
color, food, or sports team. It may sound silly, but these types of
interactions can be the building blocks of developing a great relationship with
your sibling.
4. Don’t Just Talk About the Past
One of the biggest challenges that
siblings may encounter is consistently talking about their foster care
experiences, their childhood, and maybe even the abuse and trauma that they
experienced growing up. While these events are significant and are worth
discussing, don’t allow them to dominate communication with your sibling. Find
new and interesting things to discuss. Employment, tv shows, school opportunities,
future plans, etc. are all interesting things to chat about that allow you to
positively communicate with your sibling without creating a potentially
negative atmosphere by constantly bringing up the past.
5. Keep Trying
You’ve heard the saying, If at first you don’t succeed, try try again! The reality is that building
relationships with anyone can be hard. Don’t give up if things don’t progress
the way that you are hoping for with your sibling. Just keep trying to reach
out and establish communication. Your sibling will be your sibling for the rest
of your life. It is a relationship that is not only important, but certainly
worth fighting for.
Sade Bradford-Bond is an Author, Motivational Speaker, and Workshop Leader. She advocates for people who experienced foster care and writes a blog that encourages the foster care community at www.onlyamountain13.blogspot.com. See more of her work at www.sadebradford.com.
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